TALES FROM THE COFFEESHOP: IS THE JOKE NOW ON PRESIDENT CHRISTODOULIDES?

WHAT a joker Prezniktwo is turning out to be. His best prank so far, which he has been staging for more than a year, had the Cyprob at its centre and involved taking everyone for a ride, from the UN Secretary-General to the President of the European Commission.

There could still be more mileage in it but for saddos who have been following the Cyprob for some time now, the joke was over last Monday at his meeting with Turkish Cypriot leader Ersin Tatar, and we all had a good laugh about his decision to end it prematurely with some clumsy manoeuvring.

Perhaps he started to think that the joke about his desire for a settlement had gone too far and there was a danger that people would take it seriously. What would he do if the Turks did not get the joke and signalled their readiness for settlement talks rather than bang on about two states?

He therefore went to Monday’s meeting at the house of UN Special Rep Colin Stewart with a bag of proposals – four about crossings and four on random issues of his choosing – that he knew Tatar would reject.

These were “the very specific proposals” Mini Me spoke about before the meeting, with which “we have proved our constructive stance so there could be a positive conclusion.” The truth is that these “very specific proposals” would guarantee the conclusion of the meeting would be anything but positive.

IF THE VERY specific proposals failed to have the desired result, our Prez had another card up his sleeve, which he revealed after the meeting to journalists. The proposals he submitted were on a take-it-or-leave it basis, he said, which meant Tatar was being offered the opportunity to abandon the process.

Recognising the colossal stupidity of this remark, which totally wrecked the narrative of the constructive stance and sincere political will, Mini Me spent the next few days explaining that this was not exactly what the Prez meant. ‘Take it or leave it’ did not refer to all proposals but just to the four crossings, but even on that it was not exactly what the prez actually meant, said Mini Me.

What did he mean? One thing he knew for sure was that the inclusion of the transit points for Kokkina and Athienou would never be accepted by the Turks, who made this clear to the UN during the talks that preceded the Tatar-Christodoulides meeting. So why did he include them in his proposals and offer them on a take-it-or-leave-it basis?

And why did he also make another four proposals unrelated to crossings when the UNSG had told the leaders at the October dinner to reach an agreement on the Mia Milia crossing? He obviously wanted more issues with potential for disagreement as security in the unlikely event Tatar said ‘yes’ to the crossings.

YOU HAVE to admire the Prez’s powers of persuasion. He managed to convince the UN Secretary-General that he should push for a resumption of talks even though it is becoming clearer by the day that our man wants a resumption of talks as much as Tatar does.

And when the mission of the UNSG’s special envoy Maria Angela Holguin ended in total failure, he carried on pestering Antonio Guterres to carry on his Cyprob efforts. Guterres invited the two leaders to the Big Apple in October and said he would arrange an informal five-party conference as well but that the two should meet in Nicosia and agree on the opening of a crossing point as a confidence-building measure.

So he went to the meeting with enough proposals that were unacceptable to the Turks ensure a little mistrust-building as well. This was labelled ‘mutuality’, the idea being that the Greek Cypriots had to gain something for agreeing to the opening of a crossing at Mia Milia.

If the guy was as determined to secure a resumption of the talks as he claimed, would he have turned a straightforward confidence-building measure into a new negotiation in the name of mutuality? Did he not think that such antics would expose his sincere political will for progress as a bit of a myth?

THESE silly tactics have the name of his national security advisor Tasos Tzionis written all over them. Tzionis was the right-hand man of Ethnarch Tassos, who was an expert in smart-ass Cyprob tactics that had as their objective zero progress and the maintenance of the status quo.

‘We would leave the negotiations by being at the negotiations’ was one of his wacky mantras, and this thinking has been passed on to our Prez by Tzionis. He is pulling out all the stops for a resumption of talks that he does not really want because it is more fun to have a process than a deadlock. It allows him to go on about his constructive stance, sincere political will and the unsustainability of the status quo, which, in reality, he is very happy about.

His Cyprob policy is one of fine words and no decisions. Decisions would make him a target of criticism which he just cannot take.

THE LOW tolerance of criticism was illustrated in the last few days by Mini Me, who requested time to talk on radio shows immediately after criticism was voiced against the Prez.

On Thursday morning there was a discussion on Politis Radio about the way the government had been handling the football clubs’ tax debts and the Prez was accused of interfering in the matter instead of allowing justice to take its course. Immediately Mini Me called the station and asked to speak.

On Friday morning, Akel general-secretary Stef Stef was on CyBC radio talking about the Prez’s bizarre eight proposals, and again Mini Me demanded an appearance on the show to respond. Why was this necessary considering that he had issued a written statement the previous day responding to the commies’ criticism and bringing up the new word – ‘mutuality’?

THE NUTCASE Bishop of Paphos, Tychikos, has pissed off Archbishop Georgios with his behaviour to such an extent that the latter spent all week telling Phil what a backward priest he was. He accused him of wanting to return the Church to the dark ages while citing examples of his lunacy.

Tychikos has banned fizzy drinks from the bishopric saying they were “demonic” and demanded that all specs of all food products should be read by priests. He also reminded of a sermon by Tychikos, urging the faithful not to eat anything offered to them by “people who were not close to God.” He explained in a sermon that “people who deal with demonic things put substances in our food or drinks to contaminate us.”

What really pissed off Georgios was that Tychikos refused to accept the relics of Saint Paul kept at the Vatican in Paphos because the Pope was a heretic. It was a major embarrassment considering that the relics would have been sent after a request by the late Archbishop Chrysostomos to the Pope.

Georgios told Phil that he believed Tychikos was being influenced by outsiders. It was a Christian way of saying that the Bishop has a screw loose.

THE GREEDIEST doctors in the world took great offence at comments about their pay threatening the viability of public hospitals at a House committee meeting and their union Pasyki issued a statement to complain about this unfair treatment of its members.

“For Pasyki it is of vital importance to re-examine the manner in which the remuneration of doctors is presented, in order to prevent misleading impressions,” said Pasyki which also accused Okypy of suggesting during a recent doctors’ strike that hospital doctors were overpaid.

Not only are they overpaid they are also disgustingly greedy, staging strikes to back demands for another two grand on top of annual salaries of €150,000. The impressions created about their remuneration are anything but misleading.

THE DELUSIONS of grandeur of Kyproulla, also known as the Pillar of Security and Stability, are getting stronger by the day as the congratulatory message to President Donald Trump posted on X by Prezniktwo showed

He noted that there was so much that Cyprus and the US “could achieve by cooperating closely, to lead our strategic partnership to new heights, to promote regional peace and stability and to deepen EU-US relations.”

The EU is now relying on our Prez to not only protect its relations with the US, which are being threatened by Trump’s trade plans, but also to deepen them. That is only after our own strategic partnership with the US scales new heights.

This article was originally published on 26.01.2025

Source: TALES FROM THE COFFEESHOP: IS THE JOKE NOW ON PRESIDENT CHRISTODOULIDES?