| CYPRUS PROBLEM |To Thema Online



[Michalis] Hatzigiannis was right. With DIKO you are constantly raising your hands in the air. 

Someone must have tipped Nikolas Papadopoulos off that after the fiasco with the Happy Birthday of the Deputy Minister of Culture and poor-man’s Marilyn Monroe, Michalis Hatzigiannis, he needed something powerful to redeem himself. Something that would make people stop thinking that his circus-themed birthday party was a tribute to the first two months of [Nikos] Christodoulides’ government and something that would also restore him in people’s minds as a serious politician, an equal partner in government and – why not? – even a potential leader of the country (so to speak). Everyone would have agreed that the opium of the Cypriot people, the Cyprus problem, fulfils the above conditions, but without any recent developments and with the sloganeering being stuck at the Annan Plan of 2004, they realised that they needed some kind of twist.

“I want something powerful in relation to the Cyprus problem that does not sound outdated and that the youth can identify with,” is what I imagine the DIKO [Democratic Party] president told his colleagues during the brainstorm-after-the-shitstorm-and-never-before.

And someone suggested ChatGPT. And I imagine he presented it as hot, trendy, catchy and as ‘youth-oriented’ as Trannos [Greek rapper]. And before he can ask who the hell Trannos is, his colleague hastily adds “and it will show how much of a man of the times you are”. Nikolas thinks about it for a few minutes and agrees. “Okay, and how do we combine that with the Cyprus issue?” he asks. “You just ask it,” they reply. “Got it, got it,” Nikolas exclaims happily and starts typing. “Umm,” his colleagues interrupt him, “I don’t think it knows ‘when the Cyprus problem will be solved’ and also it’s artificial intelligence, not [Saint] Paisios.”

“I know, that’s not what I was writing,” Nikolas snaps back, annoyed… while simultaneously deleting what he was writing. “Give it to me,” his colleague says and types, “Is Turkey promoting a two-state solution for the Cyprus issue?”. He shows it to Nikolas. “Wow, good one” he exclaims. Explosive. Patriotic. And so DIKO”. He hits enter and the answer appears a few seconds later. “Hmm, it’s not telling us anything new” Nikolas comments. “It’s not what it says, it’s who says it, i.e. ChatGPT, that’s what you’ll focus on,” the colleague replies. “And you’re going to tweet it with this wording”:

[Photo insert of the relevant Twitter post by Nikolas Papadopoulos.]

“I don’t really get it to tell you the truth. And I’m afraid the public won’t either,” Nikolas says thoughtfully

That’s what we’re counting on,” they all say in unison.

The above conversation is of course fictional but I’m afraid that it must not be far from the truth. Nikolas Papadopoulos, president of the coalition party DIKO and member of the government that will hold our fate in its hands for the next five years and that will – supposedly – negotiate the Cyprus solution… asked ChatGPT if Turkey is promoting a two-state solution and was so impressed by the ‘answer’ that he thought he must share it with us in a comment that doesn’t make much sense. This is because apart from Turkey, which is blasting out the fact that it wants a two-state solution left, right and centre, the one who actually put out feelers for a two-state solution or a ‘loose confederation’ was the former boss of his boss, Nikos Christodoulides, who himself was also in agreement as a regular yes man of Nikaros [Nicos Anastasiades]. But you see, since thanks to Nikos Christodoulides, DIKO became part of a coalition government and now Nikolas even has a Deputy Minister singing Happy Birthday to him, we should just roll with this dark period that the former Foreign Minister had, right?

Leave aside all those associations and unpleasant comparisons that one can make with the artificial intelligence and the… natural intelligence of DIKO executives who are probably going through perhaps the longest (and worst) hangover as a result of the intoxication of power. Or the fact that they may one day all be replaced by ChatGPT and no one will know the difference – at which point they’ll regret the very moment they introduced it to the leader.

As for Nikolas himself, we hope he understood that when you try to get closer to young people with things you don’t know, you end up like the uncle at the family gathering who announces that he will sit with the youth.

And no one wants that uncle at their table…



A journalist for over 20 years, Marinos Nomikos has been a constant thorn in the side of the Establishment, thanks to his sharp humour and insightful social commentary. He has collaborated, among others, with the newspapers Politis, Kathimerini and Phileleftheros, the magazines TV Mania and Down Town, and the radio stations Active, Sfera and Kanali 6. He currently writes for the websites ToThemaOnline and LimassolToday and presents the podcast ‘TV Stories’ by Alpha.

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